Category Archives: love

An Eye for an Eyebrow

And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. (Rev. 21:4) NKJ

It was clear when looking in the mirror not too long ago that it was time to do something about my eyebrows.  I am always disgruntled when this revelation greets me in my reflection because I know that inevitably, it will involve some pain. Not nearly brave enough to conquer my own necessary eyebrow maintenance, I weighed my options-some things after all are better left to professionals.

Headed to the mall that day, I remembered that I had previously noted that in one of the small retail kiosks in the midst of the mall there were vendors who offered the service of “eyebrow threading.”  Apparently this is a skillful art perfected in India, where a professional takes a single thread, twists it around your eyebrow hairs, and yanks them out from the root.  The results are supposedly more favorable to waxing because it offers a “cleaner” look with longer lasting results. As well, the sign which proclaimed “less painful than waxing” caught my eye as I passed by.

Already there, I took a moment to stop and purposefully observe the customer who had chosen to utilize this service at that very moment. I noticed that there was no flinching when the thread bearer quickly yanked, accomplishing the necessary task.  In fact, I didn’t notice any of the pained grimacing or tearing up that I was so familiar with in my own personal eyebrow maintenance routine.  Actually, I was amazed and began to become ecstatic at the thought that this peaceful eyebrow grooming experience could actually be mine! Next thing I know I was cheerfully sliding into the cool black reclining faux leather seat, leaning back, and  preparing to experience a peaceful, painless-perhaps even pleasant experience.

It only took a few moments however, for me to begin to contemplate whether the previous customer had either had sensory receptive issues or had been paid well to lure other potential customers into this seat of torture by looking so tremendously at ease during such a tumultuous experience.  The professional “threader” who initially greeted me with such a warm and welcoming smile was now looking rather irritated and frustrated with me as she inwardly grunted, shook her head “no” and had to repeatedly push my hand back down from covering my right eyebrow in an attempt to have a brief reprieve from the immense pain which she was inflicting upon me.  I experienced only a moment of relief when she held the mirror up for me to see the results of her labor..and then the tears came because I realized that I that I still had to sit and endure getting the other eyebrow done.  I was trapped, it was going to hurt-I KNEW it was going to hurt- and all I could do was sit there and suffer with the audience of anyone who happened to be shopping at the mall that day.  I was feeling helpless, vulnerable, and exposed, and all of my feelings were validated by the look I was getting from my new “friend” as she inched toward me preparing to complete the work that she had begun.

There have been many times when I have felt helpless, vulnerable and exposed as I have faced difficult circumstances and walked through hurt as a Believer.  Being part of the Body of Christ means that when we hurt, we do not hurt alone.  Personally, I have the tendency to want to run and hide.   To isolate, so that no one sees me in my weakness.   Those whom we journey with however, who encourage us during the “good” times are there as well when we struggle, when we mourn, when we our hearts are aching. And the truth is, that is exactly the way that the Father intended it to be.

I think that those who love us best during these times are the precious ones who quietly slip their hand in ours and squeeze, letting us know in their gentle and loving way that they are there- for whatever we need- when we are ready. This is the type of friend that I need when I am hurting and hope to be when someone that I love is hurting.

Abba Father, help me to effectively love those in my life who are hurting.  Help me to have wisdom and discernment to know how to encourage, minister to and stand beside those in my life whose hearts are aching.  Help me Father to be a true reflection of you as I gently and quietly listen, encourage and minister hope and truth to those with whom I run beside in this race of life.

 

 

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Filed under friendship, love, Pain, Relationship, The Body of Christ

Being Neighborly

And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment. And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” Mark 12:30-3(NKJ)

I was late! Grabbing a cup of coffee and a breakfast bar I jumped in the car, backed full speed out of the driveway and was on my way.  Inwardly I groaned when I saw my neighbor from several doors down waving at me.  It wasn’t a casual, friendly wave, but instead a more demanding beckoning kind of wave directing me to pull into his driveway.

I glanced at the dash in irritation that now I was going to be even later and obediently pulled in. Rolling down my window with a forced smile to see what he needed I began our conversation with “Good morning! I’m late so I only have a sec, how are you this morning?”

This elderly gentleman had been one of the first  of our neighbors to greet our family when we moved into the neighborhood several years ago.  Always eager to talk, each time the kids and I would take a walk  he would typically intercept us at the edge of his yard both coming and going.  The weather, gardening, our dogs….the topics of conversation varied but consistent was his desire to engage.  Two individuals on opposite ends of life we only had the “generals” in common.  Obliging when possible my heart hurt for him recognizing that as an elderly widow his social opportunities were limited.  When my younger children would later express frustration at these unintended pauses in our agenda I would try to help them understand.  They became skilled at smiling and waiting patiently while I talked to “the old man.”

Although we probably exchanged names the first time we met, we never used them again; a smile and a “hey” were all that were necessary in our informal neighborly acquaintance.  We made him cookies at Christmas.  He bought chocolate bars from my son to support Boy Scouts.  In the summer we exchanged goodies from our garden.  Over the years we spoke less and less as life became busier for us and the children’s sports teams, lessons and social engagements replaced our leisurely strolls around the neighborhood.  Our “relationship” had become one of simply waving and smiling as we drove down the road.

This made this morning’s events unusual.  “I’m sorry to keep you, I just wanted to let you know that I have cancer….I’m dying.”  I was completely unprepared and sat, staring at his humble frailty in stunned silence.  “I’m so sorry” was all I could muster.  He went on to tell me what the doctors had shared, the medical difficulties he had been having for months, and how long they said he had to live.  I hadn’t even known he was sick.

“I made my peace with the Lord, I heard Him tell me everything was gonna be okay.  My preacher told me to make peace with the other people in my life…so…I just wanted to tell you if I have ever done anything to offend you– I’m sorry.”

Conviction washed over me.  My own heart’s contradiction slapped me in the face as I contemplated the fact that I was so initially irritated by his interruption because I was going to be late….to intercessory prayer.

Having gone on to be with the Lord only a few months later, my neighborly friend left me with a gift.  He served as a tangible reminder of what I would have already said that I knew.  In the Kingdom of God relationship trumps religion every single time.

Father, help me to love my neighbor as I love myself.

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True Love

And you shall love the Lord your God with all your [mind and] heart and with your entire being and with all your might. (Deut 6:5)

I didn’t love my husband when we got married.  It sounds horrible to say but it is true.  After a year of dating, including three months of engagement we stood at the altar, said sacred vows before both God and man and committed our till death do we part love to one another.

Looking back I realize that even though I thought I loved him, really what I was in love with was the idea of being chosen to be loved by him.  I was desperate to be above all others in his heart and life, for the remainder of mine.  I was nineteen; my frame of reference regarding love was limited at best and tainted at worst.

Fifteen years later I believe that I have now at least begun to understand the deep intertwinings of  what love is.  I found and pieced various aspects of it together along the way to offer a clearer yet still incomplete picture.  As we live out the rest of our lives together, I pray that perhaps one day I will know the fullness of what it means to truly love another human being with all that you are, to the very depths of your soul, for your whole life.

Although I know now that it has taken place, there is not a specific time that I am able to pinpoint that transition from not really loving to loving.

I do know where it didn’t happen though.  It wasn’t the result of  beautiful flowers sent, decadent chocolates presented or even  memorable romantic weekend getaways.  As well, it wasn’t found in quaint candlelight dinners, or soft satin sheets amidst the throes of passion. Although all of those things have been wonderfully splendid parts of our marriage, this is not where I discovered love.

Instead, I believe it was stolen from and accumulated in many different kinds of moments.  Moments of commitment through heartache, communication so difficult it demanded tears and forgiveness which lacked an “I told you so.”

This is where I found love.

My relationship with my husband serves as an adequate metaphor for my relationship with my Lord.  In my teens I confessed with my mouth and believed in my heart that Jesus was my Lord…. but I didn’t really love Him.  I was thankful for the security of eternal salvation, daily renewed grace and a robe of righteousness to replace my rags of filth, but the truth is, I was primarily focused on Him loving and saving me and thought very little about the reciprocal.

A selfish, self-serving love isn’t really love at all.

I cannot pinpoint the exact moment of transition but know that it has occurred.  It wasn’t found in the moments of abundant blessings, exuberant celebrations of His goodness or mountaintop experiences of favor poured out.  My heart remains so thankful and yet; those are not the places where my love for Him became real.

Instead, it has accumulated in many different kinds of moments.  Moments of undeniably undeserved grace. Moments of commitment through heartache, communication so difficult it demanded tears and forgiveness which lacked an “I told you so.”

My love for both my God and my husband became most real within me when my heart’s focus shifted from what they could do for me to what I could do for them.

True love requires an unwavering commitment, sacrifice and willingness to serve wholeheartedly.

True love is demanding requiring that the giver hold nothing back.

True love never disappoints because it is in the giving that you receive

Father… your love for me is unwavering, abundant and faithful… help me to love you in that same way. 

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All Ya Need is Love

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.  1 John 4:7 (NIV)

LOVE love love love…all ya need is love… come on- sing it with me!

While reading John chapter 4, I can’t help but think that – LOVE – real love, true love- is not always rainbows and sunshine.

Sometimes love is hard truth given as gently as possible.

Sometimes love is the willingness to bear the brunt of another’s hurt and clean up a mess you didn’t make.

Sometimes love is well set boundaries and sometimes it’s looking another in the eye and laying it all out for them right at the bottom line.

Sometimes love is refusing to allow someone to treat you in a way that is not acceptable because they need to learn that it’s not okay and no one else has ever loved them enough to have the courage to stand up to them before.

And then there are the things that love is always…

In bold is how 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (MSG) lays it out for us well:

Love never gives up.

Not even on people that make your eyeballs itch

Love cares more for others than for self.

Even when they care more about themselves than about you

Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.

Even when it seems completely unfair and illogical that someone else would have it  

Love doesn’t strut,

Because we know that anything we have of value is only due to God’s grace and favor  

Doesn’t have a swelled head,

Because it’s not about us but about Him in us  

Doesn’t force itself on others,

Because God is a gentleman and we should strive to be like Him  

Isn’t always “me first,”

Because we are to think of others before ourselves 

Doesn’t fly off the handle,

Because we are to treat others the way we would like to be treated  

Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,

Because in the same measure that we have received forgiveness…so should we give  

Doesn’t revel when others grovel,

Because we should hold the heart of God toward them

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

Even when it’s hard, life changing and unrelenting  

Puts up with anything,

Because God puts up with us

Trusts God always,

Even when we don’t understand, because no one is more trustworthy    

Always looks for the best,

Because God valued each of us enough to die for us

Never looks back,

Because it doesn’t ever help you get where you want to go

But keeps going to the end.

No matter how much time or energy it takes

It seems to me, in the body of Christ, we have come to often confuse real love for false in your face kindness. The truth is however, that real love can be hard, unpleasant and uncomfortable and most people just don’t want to get their hands dirty. It’s easier not to.

For most of us, our own lives can be so consuming, so distracting, so very FULL within themselves that to take the time, energy and perseverance necessary to really love our brothers and sisters in Christ often requires more than we feel we have or want to give.

And yet, we are told in John 13:35 that the world is suppose to be able to recognize that we are Disciples of Christ by our love for one another.

In the absence of love, offense, un-forgiveness and strife are able to rear their ugly heads and take control of situations, circumstances and relationships.

John reminds us “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.  God is love.  Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.” (1 John 4:16)

Father, help me to love as you love.

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