“How much longer?”
The answer that I had to give was not the one that my son wanted to hear. “A long time,” I replied, nose to nose, eyeball to eyeball, with the emphasis on long. We were only a half hour into a several hour long trip. My tone was intended to also say without saying “and I don’t want you asking me “how much longer” every five minutes.
He glumly squirmed and adjusted, resigning to the complete lack of control he had over how long it was going to take to arrive at our destination. The answer of four hours would be as grim as the answer of four thousand because when your whole focus is to arrive at your destination, every second seems like eternity.
It is not hard for me to understand my son’s impatience…His inquiries of “How much longer” so easily echoed the inquiries I have made of the Lord time and time again for years.
How much longer Lord until I walk in the fullness of what You have called me to? How much longer Father until I see the evidence of what lives in my heart come to pass in my life? How much longer Jesus until I see these specific promises fulfilled.
Sometimes the passion and desire to fulfill my calling is so BIG on the inside of me that I think I might implode. I understand the fire shut up in my bones as Jeremiah explained it, it can be consuming.
It is at these times when I share my heart with those who love me that their encouragements of “trust,” “wait,” and “be still” only serve to antagonize me. Sometimes I want to respond to them in a not so quite voice “tell me something I haven’t heard before!” And then usually, because they know and love me well, they will smile and gently suggest that I spend time with God to get a heart adjustment.
God has been so very faithful along the way to not only provide guidance and leading, but opportunity to slowly but surely help me progress in the journey. There have been stints of moving forward that seem to go by at warp speed, and then other times when I feel like I am swimming in molasses. And yet, the passion, desire and drive remain.
I have pleaded with God and cried out to Him to take away the intense desires of my heart until they can be satiated. But instead, it seems that He only continues to assure me that I am “on my way” even when I sometimes feel like I am just sitting still.
Sometimes, like my son on the plane, I just feel glum at the complete resignation of having no control over how quickly I am going to “get there.”
What is BIG within you today Daughter of God? What is the consuming longing which draws the attention of your heart, mind and soul? At what destination are you focused on arriving? Have you too felt that every second feels like an eternity?
Today, listen to hear what the Father would gently whisper to you “Trust me, if you will close your eyes and rest, we will be there before you know it.”
Father, help me to cease striving and instead to rest in You. Help me to be still and know that you are a good Dad, and that your perfect timing is truly all that I would ever desire.